I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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