You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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