Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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