We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
