Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
my shit smells like andre
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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