Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
