A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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