we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
