it's too hot outside to masturbate.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
