it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
