We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
