JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
