You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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