so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
