There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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