Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
