He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
