This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
