A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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