If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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