No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
