He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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