This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
