that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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