LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
