So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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