i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
