Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
