I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
