well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
