Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
