mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
