wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
