i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
