You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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