Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
