I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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