dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
