A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Randomize
