The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
