im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
