Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
