Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
we should paint friendship bongs
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