Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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