went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I just found a bag of teeth...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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