he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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