she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
