Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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