the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
