We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
