On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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