Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
